He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
