I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
