Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
im holly from the hills drunk
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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