just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
