she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
