Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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