As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
