I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He passed out mid-signature
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
