Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I think my vagina is haunted
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
