dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
