You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
