It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
