my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like the curious george of whores
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize