i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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