i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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