he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We need to rekindle our bromance
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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