absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
