Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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