so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
