My liver just broke up with me...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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