Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
