I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
