I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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