haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
