honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
