I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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