I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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