I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
