She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
