ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
