If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
