Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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