I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
