She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
