Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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