we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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