I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
