so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
