she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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