there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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