We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
it hurts more in the daytime
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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