So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
