apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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