i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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