Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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