I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
