You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
