His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
