Sponge bath it is.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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