we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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