I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
