Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
