The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
