It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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