2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
