I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
