did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
