I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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