You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
