there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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